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about
This song is a line-in-the-sand moment. I finally got to the point where I said, "Enough is enough."
I wrote it out of the angst of a painful breakup. I wrote it when I realized that I have a responsibility in every relationship in my life, romantic or otherwise. It's a song about a woman, but for me it's about more. It's a poem of determination - that I won't let myself stay in this expanding circular screw-up.
Writing this song was cathartic for me. I was able to give language to feelings and experiences that had hovered in my subconscious for years. Admitting that I've made the same God damned mistakes over and over gave me a freedom that I had never felt before. Saying out loud that it felt impossible to break away from the demons and habits of the past gave me the courage to face them.
Paulo Coelho wrote, "It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting." This song showed me a dream for something better and gave me a desire to see it become reality. Perhaps more than anything, writing it gave me hope - hope for a future that is much different than my past.
I was so damn sure I'd get it right this time
But a few left turns and a few wrong words
Now I'm torn apart inside
I couldn't treat her right, I was just too blind to see
That in this fight, I'm my own worst enemy
I'll start thinking straight
When the whiskey fades and the cigarette smoke is gone
I'll realize I'm on this ride and I ain't been gaining ground
I'll make all the same mistakes
And then my heart will break
Lord, the closest thing to hell I've seen is this carousel spinning me
I've been trying to learn to give the love that I receive
But now I'm concerned there's a broken part of me
A habit's hard to kick, or so I think I've heard
Now it's the same old shit, it's just a different girl
I'll start thinking straight
When the whiskey fades and the cigarette smoke is gone
I'll realize I'm on this ride and I ain't been gaining ground
I'll make all the same mistakes
And then my heart will break
Lord, the closest thing to hell I've seen is this carousel spinning me
I can feel the forces pulling at my feet
I try to tear away, but there ain't no breaking free of gravity
I'll start thinking straight
When the whiskey fades and the cigarette smoke is gone
I'll realize I'm on this ride and I ain't been gaining ground
I'll make the same God damned mistakes
And then my heart will break
Lord, the closest thing to hell I've seen is this carousel spinning me
released July 14, 2015
Written by Stephen Castillo and Sunny Castillo
Engineered and Produced by Ryan Rousch
Sky Howard: Electric Guitar
Jonathan Ammerman: Drums
Doug Wiseman: Bass
Ryan Rousch: Electric Guitar
Linda Lola: Violin
Sunny Castillo: Background Vocals
Stephen Castillo: Acoustic Guitar and Lead Vocals
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